“13 Reasons Why” … And Why It Matters To Your Community

I watch Netflix – as I’m sure quite a few of us do. A couple of months I was looking at their original section and I noticed “13 Reasons Why.” I had read about it and thought about watching it … but no matter how intrigued I was, I couldn’t get myself to dive into a series about adolescent suicide. On the surface it looked too much like the plethora of other young adult series you find on Netflix … only with a more ominous premise.

But then after a few weeks I noticed “13 Reasons Why” was starting to get a lot of buzz in the mainstream media, but not because it so good – but because many parents and the mental health profession considered it too controversial. The book it was based on was even appearing on banned book lists. This peaked my interest. 

A few years ago, Harvey Weinstein and his brother, Bob, of the acclaimed Weinstein Films produced a topical film about teenage bullying aptly named “Bully.” While not entering the territory of being banned, the Motion Pictures Association of America (MPAA) gave it an R rating; even though its target audience was high school kids and it confronted an issue too often ignored in our schools. Apparently the colorful language of real life in high school was just too much for the virgin ears of teenagers to hear on the screen. Outraged and standing behind their film and its significant societal benefits, the Weinstein brothers circumvented the MPAA and re-released with no rating (NR), leaving it up the each individual theatre to make the call who could see it.

I couldn’t get “Bully” out of my mind every time I thought of diving (or not) into “13 Reasons Why.” Much of the exact things overprotective parents, however well-meaning they may be, want to shelter their kids from are the exact things they encounter everyday at school. As with bullying – suicide, whether carried through on or just contemplated, is real their real world. And our reluctance as parents and adults to see this and confront it head on can have catastrophic consequences.

“13 Reasons Why”

“13 Reasons Why” revolves around a high school student, Clay Jensen, and his friend Hannah Baker, a girl who committed suicide after suffering a series of demoralizing circumstances brought on by select individuals at her school. A box of cassette tapes recorded by Hannah before her suicide details thirteen reasons why she ended her life.

As I mentioned above, the series was not without controversy. It seemed to initiate a united global front from psychology and psychiatric organizations. The outcry centered on the series’ over-simplification of the reasons behind suicide. Much of the focus of “13 Reasons Why” was put on the bullying Hannah had to endure. This reaction is not surprising. After all, the value of their profession is predicated on the assumption that our psychological maladies are rooted internally – and not fixed simply through external adjustments.

In Montana where I live, the state legislature meets for one three-month session every two years. Being heavily conservative, they don’t really do much of anything that involves spending money. They’re big on trying get more guns everywhere, restrict abortion and rid the state all that evil liberal stuff like environmental regulations. But spending money … not so much.

About only thing that both parties could agree on was a mental health and suicide prevention bill. Or at least that’s what they called it. The legislation established that insurance companies that operate in the state must cover mental health on the same level as physical health (welcome to the 21st century). It also dedicated a whole $1 million for local communities, school districts and tribes to develop their own suicide prevention programs. $1 millions doesn’t go far. That’s about one dollar for every person in the state – what a MacDonald’s double cheeseburger on the dollar menu used to cost when there was such a thing.  I suppose we should happy in the Big Sky Country they even did that, since about their only other accomplishment was to add a couple extra judges to deal with all the meth cases that have been piling up.

However well-intended this legislation is, it’s still after-the-fact. Granted, maybe more counseling will help persuade a disenfranchised kid to not take that final step; but anyone who has or has had teenagers knows, probably one of the last places they’re going to go to talk about suicide is to an office that sits down the corner from the principal. The risk of being on the principal’s radar, for whatever the reason, is too much  of a deterrent. School architects don’t think about these things. However, aside from where the counselor sits – too much of the time, the effort is put in is still after-the-fact.

Suicide is an effect of the circumstances thrust upon us by the current society we live in. For the most part it’s a reaction one has to the stresses of their lives, like doing drugs or drinking alcohol – only much more extreme. Granted some methods of coping are a lot more self-destructive than others – they are still all ways to psychologically vent, opening our steam valve. Releasing this pressure is going to have to happen one way or another. The question is how.

I believe how and when this release happens is a function of three components. These act in concert and the result of this interaction can often dictate whether someone lives or dies. Our goal as communities must be to sway these factors in as positive direction as possible.

  • What are the external factors that contribute to the pressures one undergoes in their lives (financial issues, bullying, academic pressures, etc.)?
  • What outlets are available, adolescent or adult, to release this pressure (sports, work, drugs, hobbies, etc.)?
  • How mentally strong is the person (level of self-efficacy) and how much pressure can they take?

It’s easy to simplify the phenomenon of adolescent suicide, as “13 Reason Why” was criticized of – by saying much of its root cause is bullying. Or we can blame parents – whether being over-protective, demanding of even just being indifferent. Or we can blame it on society as a whole by saying it’s just damn unjust and too many of our kids have poverty ridden upbringings (even though poor kids don’t kill themselves any more than rich ones do). Regardless, pinning the blame on external factors, whatever those may be, address only one of the contributing components. Unfortunately, no matter how much we try, there are always going to be reasons why; there’s always going to be monsters under the bed – no matter how well-feathered that bed may be.

Whatever the reasons why, the best way of combating destructive behavior, including suicide, is refocusing energy by providing positive outlets and alternatives. If your life has a purpose, you’re much more likely to spend your time and attention on that purpose rather than on self-annihilation. For example, it’s hard to feel sorry for yourself and drown yourself in a bottle of vodka if you’re too busy helping those less fortunate than you are. In fact volunteering often helps the person doing the volunteering more than the person being helped.

“The mind…can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” ― John Milton

Even after we’ve addressed the reasons why and created positive outlets to focus on, we still don’t live in a Perfect World. The human psyche is vunerable. The monsters will always be there and no matter how much we try to ignore them … they’re still going to find their way into our minds. Or in the words of John Milton; “turn our heaven into hell.” The question ultimately becomes … how do we deal with them when they do. Do we dive into the bottle or the medicine cabinet – or do we shake it off and put the haze of gloom behind us. How much can we, or in the case of “13 Reasons Why” our kids – take. 

Salutogenesis and Self-Efficacy

Salutogenesis is a term coined by Aaron Antonovsky, a former professor of medical sociology in the United States. The term describes a health approach focusing on factors that support human health and well-being, rather than on factors that cause disease (pathogenesis). More specifically, the “salutogenic model” is concerned with the relationship between health, stress, and coping. Antonovsky’s theories reject the “traditional medical-model dichotomy separating health and illness”. He described the relationship as a continuous variable, what he called the “health-ease versus dis-ease continuum.”

In 2008 Scotland, specifically Chief Medical Officer Sir Harry Burns, adopted salutogenesis as national public health policy. Burns helped Scotland conceptualize health improvement differently, being aware that the small gains that resulted from a range of interventions can add up to produce significant overall improvements. Much of these interventions were and are aimed at empowering the populace through engagement with their own health outcomes.

Engagement creates agency and self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is defined as the extent or strength one believes in their own ability to complete tasks and reach goals. The more a person believes their actions will help their situation, the more likely they are to try. When fighting adversity, self-efficacy is your tool chest, or for those in Montana, your ammunition stockpile. It’s your ability to fight the monsters under the bed. One of the most potent defenses we have is engagement. This engagement can be with ourself, through our minds and bodies, or with those around us in our communities and neighborhoods. “Doing” is a prescription for well-being. The more a person does, the more they’re likely to do. And the more they do, the more they feel what they’re doing is helping … creating a cascade of positive results and self-efficacy.

Now back to “13 Reasons Why.” Let’s assume that the story of Hannah was not fiction; what could those thirteen people have done that would have changed the outcome? But even more so, since the reasons why are just one variable, one factor in the suicide equation – should this even be the question we’re asking? Ultimately suicide is still a personal decision. If there’s a complaint I have with the show, it’s that it portrays Hannah too much as the victim; just a pawn of the external circumstance swirling around her, the poor girl at the peril of the “monsters under the bed.”

That being said, external factors can’t ignored. In fact external factors play prominently into all three of the components I’ve referenced above. What could have these thirteen people have done to create a community that was designed around positive engagement opportunities for young people so they their reaction to stress wasn’t addictive substances and self-destruction? What could they have done to nurture their young people so they could weather storms like these – because there will alway be storms in their lives, whether it be today or in the future? These are the questions we should be asking ourselves. We can’t restrict our focus to efforts after-the-fact … after the damage is so severe that whatever hole is plugged today is only going to reappear tomorrow or the next day. 

We have to wake the hell up otherwise our kids are going to kill themselves. It may not be one thing, but the accumulation of things that add up that gives them the feeling of inescapable hopelessness. Engagement refocuses and helps them break free of the downward cascade. It’s a positive release … and with this release comes hope.

Confederate flags
Livingston, Montana High School

The Failing of a Town and Creating Hope in Yours

Last year I wrote about a suicide that occurred in Livingston, Montana – down the road from me here. In The Failing of a Town, seventeen year old Deon Gillen committed suicide after years of being bullied. His plight was no secret though. On numerous occasions his mother brought it up with school administrators. When a Billings Gazette article came out detailing the incident, the public outcry was harsh – so harsh that the high school shut down their Facebook page, attempted to discredit the report and enacted a locked door policy during school hours. Just the time they have should embraced taking responsibility … they circled the wagons. This was not unexpected though.

I wish that was the end of the story however. It wasn’t though. Not even two weeks after Deon’s tragedy, two more people in Livingston (pop. 7000) committed suicide. This time it was two adults and they received barely a footnote in the paper. Not only had Livingston failed its youth, it failed its adults as well. In a separate article, I read that Park County, of which Livingston is the county seat, has the highest suicide rate in the state (in a state that has the highest rate in the country). And this was calculated before the latest rash of incidents. This dubious distinction is no small feat, but probably not one they’ll include in Livingston Chamber of Commerce’s next promo brochure. What the hell type of a place is this that access to engagement and positive outlets to stress release is so limited that the accepted alternative is to kill yourself.

“Leave every person, every place and everything better off from you being there.”

It’s everyone’s responsibility to make their community better for all its residents. We can’t push off this responsibility to only politicians and social workers. And that doesn’t mean just low taxes and more box stores. It’s up to all of us to contribute – not just take and lobby for our own interests. Helping others is not only the right thing to do … in the long run it’s a prudent economic strategy for a community to take. Going around proclaiming how great your town is when people have few opportunities to engage, reach out and be touched is hypocritical and will eventually be self-defeating.

Too much of the time we assume legislation is the only way to fix our societal ills – like here in Montana with the suicide prevention bill. In reality it’s just the easy way out for us adults to say we’re doing something – giving us an excuse to say we’re actually doing something for our kids. Bill Clinton once said “You can’t legislate morality.” No truer words have been said.

For two years I’ve stood on my soapbox and preached the need for us to rebuild the relationships with those around us in our physical neighborhoods. I’ve stressed focusing on our commonalities not our differences. These Middle Ring neighborhood relationships and the actions that come from them are what are going to determine the personality of where we live. It will determine what we do when someone, say one of our children like Dion, is in trouble. It’s how we raise them and whether we teach them to be empathetic and compassionate. It’s whether we view hardened ideology as a virtue or an obstacle. It’s whether NIMBYism is the norm or a condemnable exception. It’s whether we confront someone for bigoted talk and attitudes … or we just let it slide. These are the socially accepted attitudes and norms that determine what we do when it matters most. They determine our communities’ character.

It’s not easy to make the effort to do the right thing – especially if runs contrary to community norms.. It’s easier just to go with flow and expect someone else will take the chance and do it. But normally no one does. Be the one that does. And who knows … maybe someone else will start doing the right thing too.


Community 3.0 is a customer engagement platform that enables small businesses to combine their loyalty marketing efforts with messaging designed to improve the well-being of their community. This messaging is designed to combat mental, physical and social isolation through community and civic based engagement and volunteer activities. Community 3.0‘s efforts to improve the human condition is detailed at the initiative’s dedicated site, “Engagement For A Purpose” here.


Related Posts:

One thought on ““13 Reasons Why” … And Why It Matters To Your Community

  1. Thanks for writing this. Wonderful summary. The internet has changed life so completely and utterly that it amazes me the way we continue “business as usual” in education and parenting, as if the internet was just another invention like an upgraded version of a television, rather than a complete and utter game changer. Young people in the internet age tend to belong to social media communities rather than physical communities…and social media communities are far from supportive, and frequently shallow (how can anyone have 2000 ‘friends’. They encourage ‘curated’ versions of ones life, status envy and insecurity. I was on the train home yesterday listening to a group of girls argue and discuss dozens of photographs on their phones to find the one picture in which they all looked fabulous and could therefore go onto Facebook as the only documented evidence of their ‘perfect night out’.

    Social media also encourages outrageous nastiness – it’s very hard to read comments these days as they are so awful…things people would never say in person they seem able to dispense via the protection of a screen. And the shelf life of these comments is permanent. Living in the internet age is difficult for adults so it’s doubly so for young people who don’t have the emotional resilience required – and there’s still no sign of the education system putting emotional intelligence at the top of the school curriculum. Terri Apter perfectly encapsulates this reality as follows: “Adolescents swing from euphoric self-confidence and a kind of narcissistic strength in which they feel invulnerable and even immortal, to despair, self-emptiness, self-deprecation. At the same time they seem to see an emerging self that is unique and wonderful, they suffer an intense envy which tears narcissism into shreds, and makes other people’s qualities hit them like an attack of lasers”.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s